And Knowing Is Half The Battle!!!

A New Year is starting with a real me… I have been a horrible social media blogger. I have missed 2 months of updates, for this, I am sorry. It has been one hell of a busy couple of months. I’ll start with the physical changes: lots more hair all over, starting to notice some on the face; voice continues to drop, not a baritone yet, but I am on the way. Mentally, well I am happier of course. I am also A LOT more sensitive and need to work on my temper a bit. I’m not flying off the handle or anything, but normally before hormones I was pretty laid back and chill. Now, things that would not anger me do so easily. So how do I work on this you ask? Counseling. Everyone needs someone to talk to besides their other half, or friends, or family, or whomever you confide in. So working on the temper, putting a workout together for all the energy I have lately and things are on the up and up.

Now, on to the meat and potatoes of this blog.

I will never stop saying this education is important, on both sides. It is important to know what changes you are going to experience and to keep your doctor informed of any issues that may arise. Be open to questions, even if they are way inappropriate. No, I am not saying that you need to provide answers if you are not comfortable. I am saying that you should feel confident enough in saying that you’re not comfortable in answering the question.

I have here a list of questions I put together that someone might ask me, I will do my best to answer them with the knowledge I have. I am not a transitioning guru and by no means should I be your only resource. BUT I will do my best to provide answers and resources.

1. “Should I ask this question?”

The only stupid question you can ask me is none at all. Ignorance is intolerance.

Two questions to ask yourself before you ask your question:

“Would I feel comfortable if someone asked these questions of me?”
“Would I ask this question of a non-transgender person in a similar situation?”

2. “Why do I want this information?”

If it is someone you love that is transitioning, you will want to know what is in store for them as well as yourself. I am not the only person transitioning, my whole world around me is. This includes how my wife, my family, and my friends will see me and treat me. I am always open to questions and if they’re not appropriate, or I am not comfortable in answering them I will say so. If you’re asking out of curiosity, they make Google now, where do you think I find my info 🙂 .
3. “Have you had ‘The Surgery’?” “What surgeries have you had?” “Are you planning on having surgery?”

My only hesitation on this question is my own lack of knowledge for FTM surgeries. What I do know is that surgery is expensive depending on health insurance and whether or not I choose to have any surgery relating to my transition will be decided upon as the need arises. Having surgery, or choosing not to, does not make me any less of a man. Further discussion on my private areas can be discussed on case by case basis and individually. Discussing my hormone therapy is quite different and I am always open to discussing those changes.

4. “What does hormone therapy do?”

Well, hormonal changes are different for everyone. It all depends on the age you start them, your health, your weight, your physical activity. Many transgender people, including myself take hormones to bring our bodies more in line with our gender identity. The hormones have a variety of effects, many of which are similar to the effects teenagers experience during puberty. For example the effects of testosterone therapy can include thicker facial and body hair, a deeper voice, increased muscles, and changes in fat distribution to a more masculine body type. Some of these changes are reversible and some are not.

5. “What is your birth name?” “Can I see photos of you before you transitioned?”

While I am always open to answer this, other transgendered folks may not be. If you have been in my life long enough you know my name before I found my path to myself. My name was Jessica and will be legally changing it to Jason at some point. I don’t expect everyone to get on board immediately and have been referring to myself as Jay to ease their transition into my soon to be legal name. As for photos, well I haven’t taken them off of my Facebook so feel free to have a look; I was a cute kid, why wouldn’t I want to show that off?

6. “What bathroom do you use?”

I will answer this question with a question: What bathroom do you use?

7. “So when did you decide to be transgender?”

Ha…..decide? When did you decide to be cis-gendered? Why did you have coffee this morning? I didn’t just wake up in the morning and DECIDE to be myself. It’s something that has always been there. Discovering who I really am has been building and has finally come to the surface. Some of us discover it sooner than others. I feel that this is the time and I was finally ready to be who I really am, to be truly happy with myself.

While there are so many other questions, there is never enough time to answer all of them. Bottom line: you have a question, ask it. I will either answer it, or direct you to someone or a resource that can answer it. OR I will politely tell you that I cannot answer it because I am not comfortable answering it.


~Jay Barnette~

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About davidtkukulkan

I am a cognizant collection and configuration of genes in symbiosis with various microorganisms, thoughts, memories, emotions all encoded in neurochemicals.
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