Family Is Everything…. Except When It Comes To Being Yourself

It’s been awhile since I posted, been a bit crazy with the new job. I love it. Finally I get to be out in the open and be myself. Everyone there is super supportive and always has a ton of questions. Good, I love questions. The more people are educated about the transgendered community the easier it is to understand us.

First an update on my progress, next week will be 3 months on testosterone. I’m at 100 mg every 2 weeks and my testosterone levels are at 354. Normal range for a cis-gendered man is approximately 300-1000 so I am on my way. Depending on how I respond will determine if there is an increase. Slow and steady is my motto. There is definitely a drop in the voice, a little cracking too. Hair on legs is darker and peach fuzz on face is increasing. Fat around body is redistributing to a more box like appearance or “more masculine”. Even my nurse says I walk different. I feel different most definitely, but different in a good way. I feel stronger, less depressed. Even my wife has noticed my mood is brighter.

So with that said, what family wouldn’t want to see their child happy? I know I’ve talked about this before, but something’s really been irking me. According to a study done in 2014, the Williams Institute and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention reported that 46% of trans men and 42% of trans women had attempted suicide. I am among them. Yes, at one point in time I thought suicide was a better option than having to face the fact that my family may not accept me.

When I came out as transgender to my family I was told “I have one son and one daughter, not two sons”. Fair enough, I expected that reaction. It’s not easy to hear something like “I am transitioning” coming from your child, or your sibling. I’m not denying my past as Jessica. I am still that person that shared those memories with them. But, what I hope one day for all parents of trans-kids is that they educate themselves rather than go into denial, ignore the child, or drive them away. There are tons of resources out there for trans youth as well as their families. It’s a transition for everyone not just the person taking the hormones.

I didn’t choose this life, no one chooses to be transgender. Why would anyone want to have an uphill battle to being their true self? I may not be everything my parents wanted me to be. Just because you have a set of plans for your child when they are born, doesn’t mean they are going to end up following that blueprint, as a matter of fact nothing ever goes according to plan. What I do know is that I am a good person and I accept my family the way they are, misguided sure, but accepted nonetheless and I am here whenever they may have a question. I’m going to stand by my convictions and respond when they say she or Jessica. But it’s gonna get really weird when I do walk in the room and I got the beard or 5 o’clock shadow and some bass behind my voice.

 

~Jay Barnette~

Original content from: https://thepadiwanjourney.blogspot.com

About davidtkukulkan

I am a cognizant collection and configuration of genes in symbiosis with various microorganisms, thoughts, memories, emotions all encoded in neurochemicals.
This entry was posted in Anthropological, Depression & Anxiety and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Family Is Everything…. Except When It Comes To Being Yourself

  1. jasper says:

    That’s a great attitude. I am a trans man as well, and am lucky enough to have very supporting parents, but my mother is awful at pronouns. I get lots of “she’s” etc. but that’s ok for now. Even with supporting parent’s it takes time, and you’re right it’s a transition for everyone. Your last comment is so true as well – I told my mom, it’s fine but in public, when I have a beard and you’re calling me “she” people are going to think you’re senile. We’re making progress. I wish you all the best in your transition!

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